*The picture on the left was taken in mid-May (2006), just two days before starting my employer's mandatory 12 week weight loss program, "Succeed." This was my highest weight ever, tilting the scales at a whopping 251 lbs on my short 5'4 inch frame! The pants are 3x, and the top is a 22/24. The picture on the right was taken June 23, 2008 and I weigh 121 lbs. The jeans and shirt are both size 4. Wow! Has life changed?! I'd definitely say "YES!"

Diagnosis 278.01 - Morbid Obesity

My first encounter with the diagnosis of "obesity" was in the late 80's, early 90's. I had hormone problems throughout high school and decided to pursue medical treatment with a gynecologist. I suffered with PCOS, Amenorrhea (lack of menstruation), small cysts on my ovaries, Hirsutism, severe mood swings, and a wide array of symptoms. The gynecologist prescribed a long list of medications which did not offer relief. I decided to get a second opinion from another physician.

I gathered all of my medical records for the Consulting physician's initial appointment. When I got into the car, I opened the envelope which contained my medical records from the gynecologist's office. I was in my early twenties at the time, and curious as I had never viewed my personal health file before. (Don't tell me you would not have looked at your records, too!) There, in the medical record file, was the insult of insults - the word OBESITY! It landed hard upon my head like a ton of bricks falling from a 10 story building! I still remember the redness and heat which came across my face. It took my breath away momentarily and tears welled up in my eyes. I'd heard other names such as fatty, tub-o-lard, and fatso, but never "Obese." For a physician to call me that name, well it was quite a shock. This was educated language used by a person with a medical license , giving him permission to call me a name. Essentially it meant the same thing: FAT. I had just been called a name by my own doctor, and quite honestly, it hurt a lot. I never spoke of this episode because I was humiliated and embarrassed.

I would not see this diagnosis again until 1999. I was a college student in another state and came home at Thanksgiving. The day I was to return, I had a kidney stone attack and ended up in the hospital for a few days. My school required me to have medical documentation to prove necessity of being out of school and I obtained a copy of my emergency room and inpatient stay reports. There on my papers, the ICD-9 Diagnosis Code read: 278.01 -Severe Morbid Obesity. It didn't catch me by surprise this time, but it still stung. I never spoke of how weight affected my life until 2006 when I started the weight loss journey. It pushed me into a deep state of denial, where I remained for years. I tried to act like a happy person who accepted myself but deep inside, it hurt so much. But, once I opened up about the weight problems, I never shut up! Still today, stories spill out and memories are emptied often times for the very first time. The embarrassment and shame are now gone!

Weight Loss Surgery - Not For Me, Thank You

In 2001, I worked with a lady who had her stomach stapled. I had heard this term and it was the only thing I associated the words "weight loss surgery". It's nothing I wanted, because this woman was still overweight. She had lost approximately 70 lbs and had admitted by her own words that she had gained most of it back. My thoughts at the time were "Ok... she had a life altering procedure done on her body, and gained it all back." Surely nothing I was willing to do, even if I had the moolah.

Beginning of Health Problems

During that time, I had started visiting a chiropractor for back problems, and an internal medicine physician for hormone problems. With the help of both, I realized that I had to lose weight because of Insulin Resistance which was leading me straight toward Diabetes! I also have PCOS (Poly Cystic Ovarian Syndrome). Losing weight helps both of these diseases. I chose the Atkins, South Beach Diet approach (low carb). I was successful in losing a few lbs but didn't take it too serious until I moved back to Tennessee in 2002. Then I became serious and lost 35 lbs. I noticed though that adding regular foods back into my life meant the scales began to creep up. At my highest weight, I began losing my balance, falling down and hurting myself because my body was trying to adjust to carry the extra weight.

Merely Existing - Not Really Living

My daily routine the two years prior to wls consisted of: rising from bed, taking a shower, getting dressed for work, traveling to work one hour by car, working all day in a cubicle as an Analyst and never having a need to converse with anyone, returning home, getting into my pajamas and going to bed. I was depressed because I was overweight and I had no social life. Obesity put my life on hold; it stopped me from living. I was not living to the fullest extent because obesity had stolen my ability. My body worked against me, and did not allow freedom for activities. Physically, I experienced pain in my feet, my joints, shoulders, and back. I could hardly walk without having to stop to catch my breath, I had no boyfriend and to be honest, had no possibilities of one! How could I expect someone else to love me, when I couldn't love myself? I had become a stranger to myself... someone I didn't recognize or know any longer. I was isolated, withdrawn, shy - a far cry from the once excitable, fun loving, extrovert who would talk to anyone!

Research In Progress

My roommate had a heart attack and his doctor suggested gastric bypass for him to LIVE... yes you read that right. If he did NOT lose weight, he would DIE! His weight was killing him. I started attending weight loss seminars with him so that he could gather information and find a gastric surgeon. Through attending the seminars, I learned of new procedures being offered which were not only safer than the old stomach stapling method, but also more effective. BUT, I also learned that there must be a lifestyle change in the wls patient. Quite simply, the surgery helped individuals lose the weight quickly, but that time period was to be used as a grace period to change poor eating habits and deal with psychological issues that caused the obesity in the first place. It was no "magic bullet" or "easy way out" as many would suggest today. I silently wished that I too could have the surgery. But I did not know that my insurance covered it. I believed in my heart that I could do the low carb diet and that it would continue to work for me. Little did I know... just like any other diet I had tried, it would fail. Or maybe it was I who failed. At any rate, it was a repeat of other diets: failure. Secretly, I wondered if this "weight loss surgery" could work for me.

Turning Point - WLS Not Looking So Bad After All

April 2006 was my turning point. I had some labwork drawn and it came back suggesting that I had 3 out of 5 cardiac risks! Not only was I teetering diabetes, I could quite possibly end up having a heart attack. Something inside me grew so strong, a driving force to find out about this "weight loss surgery" for myself, as I knew life had to change. I contacted my employer, found out the requirements for their mandatory 12 week weight loss program called "Succeed" and then worked feverishly to meet all those requirements by the deadline. I obtained approval of my Primary Care Physician, had psychological clearance from a Licensed Psychologist, and met with a gastric surgeon. May 15, 2006 I began the Succeed Program and completed this in August 2006. I lost 25 lbs during that period of time, which was 10% of my overall body weight. This was a requirement of my insurance company, Blue Cross/Blue Shield of Tennessee. They mandated that I lose this much weight before they would approve my medically necessary surgery.

Jumping Through Insurance Hoops

My first request for surgery was denied. I had gathered over 100 pages of medical documentation including three letters from physicians proving that my surgery was necessary, and that I had jumped through all of their hoops. I changed surgeons whose office resubmitted my file and it was denied again. I called and called Blue Cross daily! Sometimes twice a day! Finally, I received approval. I cried. I was elated.

Surgery Day Came and Went - Effects Long Lasting

On October 10, 2006, I was wheeled into a surgical room where my life would be changed FOREVER. This website is an attempt to tell my story, one day at a time. I hope you find it a resource of helps, and am positive that you will see only honesty with myself and you, the reader about the joys, difficulties, and changes that have come into my life as a result of gastric bypass surgery. I am forever changed.